Poking the Dragon
An open letter to my nephew Chad Gervasio
Why
an open letter? Well, it's difficult to talk to someone who has
blocked you at every turn and available way. But considering the amount
of anger I see festering and the probable outcomes... it's just that
time again.
You were such a great kid when you were
little. Affectionate, friendly, curious and cute as a bug. I have
often wondered what happened to bring you to the point you've arrived
at. More to the point, I wonder just what your mother did to you to
bring this about. I don't know the exacts, but I can pretty much tell
you when it began. When you were 4 years old, and ending a visit to
Grandma Rainy, you started to run to Jo and I both for hugs before your
family left to head home. Your mother stopped you in your tracks. She
told you that you were too old to give hugs and kisses anymore. You
were a big boy and big boys shake hands.
I remember the
hurt and confusion in your eyes at that moment. But you were obedient,
and you did as you were told. I hugged you anyway and hoped that you
would understand what I was trying to tell you.
Fast
Forward to your teen years. By then the distance was noticeable to all
of us at the Roosevelt house. That cute affectionate kid was gone, and
we could only wonder where he had gone to. And why.
The
family aged, we grew further apart with each passing year. By the time
you hit adulthood, I truly had no idea who you were anymore. The Family
Feuds got initiated, and a lot of people got hurt, and some got
disowned. You stayed out of it for the most part. Up until the
infamous message to me to keep my distance from Lucy. I pretty much
knew who was truly behind these feelings on your part. We both know it
was Judy. Money does horrible things to people, especially when
jealousy and envy are added to the mix. You had stayed out of the mess
with Dan & Nita. And that was for the best. And then you insisted
on showing up on my radar. That was foolish on your part.
Add
the whole 'Revenge' song to the debacle, and some pretty hard feelings
got set in stone all around. Making death threats on the Internet?
Doubly foolish. But I think you came to realize that and removed all
traces of the song from said Internet. Perhaps some common sense had
finally kicked in, or perhaps someone finally got through to you the
possible legal ramifications involved and just what you had handed to
me.
I heard about the recent interaction with Danny. I
can't say that I was surprised. 'You're Fat'. Seriously? I'm
beginning to think your emotional maturity was stunted at 13. It would
explain a lot.
Yes, Chad. My family is fat. This isn't
news. But y'know the one thing my kids aren't. They aren't bitter,
like you. And me.
You see, Chad. You're only 16 years
younger than me. That's not a very large gap. And trust me, living
life as a bitter old man is a pretty lousy way to end up. I can only
imagine what demons you're trying to put to rest, probably some of the
same ones I'm dealing with as well.
I don't have any easy
solutions for you. I'm not sure there are any. But opening the lines of
communication would be a good start.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Time Flies
Wow. Almost a year already since Mom passed last June. Time flies even if you're not having fun apparently. Approaching the anniversary of her death has been bringing a lot of the mental garbage back that I had to deal with in the months preceding her death and following up through her funeral. Most notably... my cousin Sue.
Susan Wilbur. Eldest of my aunt Olene's children. More like a daughter to my mom than a niece. Viewed by my brother and sister and I as another sibling, more so than a cousin. In our family, we often grew closer in relation to one another than our official status. For so long, Sue was greatly loved and adored by our family.
I think that's why her betrayal toward the end surprised and hurt so many of us so badly. To be fair, we had been warned for years about Sue by her own sisters. The stories often surprised us, because they just didn't seem to jive with the Sue that we knew for so long. Turns out we were always being shown the face that Sue wanted us to see. Not necessarily the one that lurked underneath.
At the time that Sue dropped her bombshell about putting both Mom and Jojo into a group home (without having ever discussed it with either one of them ahead of time) part of me was still thinking she might be operating with the best of intentions for them. I was pissed, however, that she thought she could pull something like that off, counting on my full cooperation. I got the feeling that she never gave me any credit for being able to stand up to her and prevent this from coming to fruition. Surprise.
So Sue ended up being added to the other members of the family who pretty much got disowned for one reason or another. Mom was spitting nails up to the day she died about Sue's attempts to hijack their lives like that. One of Mom's dearest friends told us several stories about how angry Mom was at the end, and the things she had to say about Sue. As it turns out, Sue never did see Mom again after her plan was foiled. And I suspect that's for the best.
On the other hand, when Sue's time comes, she's gonna have some 'splainin' to do. I suspect there will be a whole congregation wanting to know what the hell was going through her mind.
Susan Wilbur. Eldest of my aunt Olene's children. More like a daughter to my mom than a niece. Viewed by my brother and sister and I as another sibling, more so than a cousin. In our family, we often grew closer in relation to one another than our official status. For so long, Sue was greatly loved and adored by our family.
I think that's why her betrayal toward the end surprised and hurt so many of us so badly. To be fair, we had been warned for years about Sue by her own sisters. The stories often surprised us, because they just didn't seem to jive with the Sue that we knew for so long. Turns out we were always being shown the face that Sue wanted us to see. Not necessarily the one that lurked underneath.
At the time that Sue dropped her bombshell about putting both Mom and Jojo into a group home (without having ever discussed it with either one of them ahead of time) part of me was still thinking she might be operating with the best of intentions for them. I was pissed, however, that she thought she could pull something like that off, counting on my full cooperation. I got the feeling that she never gave me any credit for being able to stand up to her and prevent this from coming to fruition. Surprise.
So Sue ended up being added to the other members of the family who pretty much got disowned for one reason or another. Mom was spitting nails up to the day she died about Sue's attempts to hijack their lives like that. One of Mom's dearest friends told us several stories about how angry Mom was at the end, and the things she had to say about Sue. As it turns out, Sue never did see Mom again after her plan was foiled. And I suspect that's for the best.
On the other hand, when Sue's time comes, she's gonna have some 'splainin' to do. I suspect there will be a whole congregation wanting to know what the hell was going through her mind.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
It's Do-Able
"Oh Honey, She passed away"
Phone calls at Five O'clock in the AM are rarely if ever good news. Such was the case on the morning of June 11, 2011 when the call came in from Palm Garden group home, where Mom had been living for the few past months. A quick glance at the caller ID pretty much told me what was happening. Mom had passed in her sleep. Exactly what she had told me several times on my last visit to Arizona, that she was hoping for. Mom knew that she was never going to walk again, nor would she ever return to the home in Tempe that she loved so much. So she was ready to go. And a lady always knows when it is time to leave.
So I packed my bags and headed for Arizona, to settle the estate and deal with my extended family.
One last time.
Those of you who have been following the Uncanny Adventures of Dysfunctional Gervasio's, or as I refer to them, The Consortium, know what's coming. During my last visit, a new member was inducted into The Consortium. My cousin Sue, who after being thwarted in her attempt to institutionalize both my Mom and sister, decided to cop an attitude with me because I'm sneaky and lack the balls to confront her... Yeah, I know what you're probably thinking right now. That was pretty much my reaction too.
Sneaky is as sneaky does, and in the case of dealing with Sue, Sneaky got the job done. Trying to talk to Sue when you're saying something she doesn't want to hear is like yelling into a hurricane. The woman will talk over you and attempt to shout you down. 30 years of Customer Service taught me long ago to let them get it out of their system, and wait patiently for your moment. My moment came, and I took it. Too Bad, So Sad Sue. You got shut down.
So it should come as no surprise that the first thing I did when I arrived in Tempe, AZ was place a call to my cousin Sue. She is still the executor of Mom's will after all. I gave some thought to having her removed a few months ago after the Group Home fiasco blew up in her face, but decided that I rather liked having her in the position of executor where I would be watching like a hawk. One little mis-step was all I was hoping for... but alas, after the phone call was made, Sue opted to step down. I was a perfect gentleman on the phone with her (I have witnesses) Sue, on the other hand, launched immediately into 'snarky'. Fortunately, I'm fluent. After a few snide comments on her part as to why she didn't want to be executor, followed by a hasty hanging up on her part, I was confident that things would go well after all. Sue later sent me an email announcing that she would step down as executor and named me as her replacement. Huzzah.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Nita
So plans were made and the time came for the memorial. First a visitation for those who had not made the time to see Mom while she was alive. Not a huge affair, but one filled with a few surprises, both pleasant and amusing.
My brother's eldest son Dan and his wife Nita showed up at the viewing of the body. I was pleased that they were able to overcome their hatred of me to actually come see Mom one last time. I especially was concerned about Dan, as I had been told that he had been taking Mom's death particularly hard. Not a word was said, but a few glances exchanged between Dan and I. Nita averted her eyes at all times. Once they emerged from the chapel after seeing Mom, they stood like deers caught in the headlights in the hall. My wife greeted them. As she did, Nita moved directly behind Dan and started crouching down behind him, as if to stay hidden from view. Dan, immediately defensive in both demeanor and speech, kept his responses short and clipped. "yep" "nope". Several people would mention later that they were astonished at the level of disrespect and rudeness on display from the two of them. My wife and I just chalked it up to standard behavior from that particular branch of the family. There are many reasons that we disowned them, and Dan & Nita were kind enough to show once more in public why such is the case.
The pleasant surprise of the evening came in the form of two of their daughters, Danielle and Becky. Both were warm and personable with everyone in attendance. It was wonderful to see them like this again. I loved Danielle like one of my own at one time, and would have built that same feeling for Becky if circumstances had been different. For now, I'm hopeful to see that maybe Nita's influence on them won't be as strong as it is on their older sister.
I Remember Momma
The memorial the next morning went very well. Lots of friends and family showed up to remember Mom one last time. My wife gave the service and spoke of Mom, her love for life and spoke of her many adventures. Notably missing from the family that showed were Sue, probably still licking her wounds and refusing to be anywhere I was in attendance... and my brother's wife Judy. I assume they both boycotted the memorial for the same reasons. I also think it's a good thing to have some people afraid of you. Judy did send her son Chad. He caught my gaze as I entered the chapel. I smiled slightly and nodded my head, as did he. That was the totality of our interaction for the day. And again, that was fine with me. No problems, no drama, and The Consortium on their best behavior. The only wrinkle I really noticed were the crying and fussing from Danielle's kids during the service. Not that I really minded it, kids will be kids. And on a guilty pleasure note, I was getting a kick out of watching/listening to Danielle's husband Jimbo trying desperately to quiet them down. On a side note; I was also pleased to see Jimbo attend. He had previously told Danielle that he would refuse to go to Mom's service; another of the crew who refuse to be in the same area as I am. Good to see that he could be a supportive husband for a change and be there for his wife when she needed him.
Death in the Family 2.0
Now to throw something out of left field to the mix. My Uncle Bob passes away a week after Mom. This is Sue's step dad, and having to deal with all the family drama is probably about to push Sue to the breaking point. (The drama on that side of the family sometimes makes The Consortium look like a Walton Family Picnic...) If I hadn't lost all respect for Sue over the group home mess, I might even feel a modicum of sympathy for her. But I don't. Most of the upheaval is as a result of Sue's own Machiavellian ways. Karma's a Bitch, but she's MY bitch.
I'm pretty sure that both Sue and Judy have assumed I've headed back to Tulsa by the point the funeral for Bob rolled around. Especially judging by the expressions on their faces when I show up to attend with my cousin Bobbie and her family. There are few thing as priceless as that jaw hitting moment when it arrives, but it was truly another gem of a moment for me. And as soon as the services ended, Judy and Chad beat feet outta there like their tails were on fire. I really should find some way to bottle whatever it is I have that has such an effect on people...
And so a major chapter on the Tales of the Consortium came to a close. I wish I could say that this would be the final chapter, but I think we all know better than that, considering everyone involved. For now, I'm happy to be back in the land of OZ, watching from a distance. Always watching. ;)
Phone calls at Five O'clock in the AM are rarely if ever good news. Such was the case on the morning of June 11, 2011 when the call came in from Palm Garden group home, where Mom had been living for the few past months. A quick glance at the caller ID pretty much told me what was happening. Mom had passed in her sleep. Exactly what she had told me several times on my last visit to Arizona, that she was hoping for. Mom knew that she was never going to walk again, nor would she ever return to the home in Tempe that she loved so much. So she was ready to go. And a lady always knows when it is time to leave.
So I packed my bags and headed for Arizona, to settle the estate and deal with my extended family.
One last time.
Those of you who have been following the Uncanny Adventures of Dysfunctional Gervasio's, or as I refer to them, The Consortium, know what's coming. During my last visit, a new member was inducted into The Consortium. My cousin Sue, who after being thwarted in her attempt to institutionalize both my Mom and sister, decided to cop an attitude with me because I'm sneaky and lack the balls to confront her... Yeah, I know what you're probably thinking right now. That was pretty much my reaction too.
Sneaky is as sneaky does, and in the case of dealing with Sue, Sneaky got the job done. Trying to talk to Sue when you're saying something she doesn't want to hear is like yelling into a hurricane. The woman will talk over you and attempt to shout you down. 30 years of Customer Service taught me long ago to let them get it out of their system, and wait patiently for your moment. My moment came, and I took it. Too Bad, So Sad Sue. You got shut down.
So it should come as no surprise that the first thing I did when I arrived in Tempe, AZ was place a call to my cousin Sue. She is still the executor of Mom's will after all. I gave some thought to having her removed a few months ago after the Group Home fiasco blew up in her face, but decided that I rather liked having her in the position of executor where I would be watching like a hawk. One little mis-step was all I was hoping for... but alas, after the phone call was made, Sue opted to step down. I was a perfect gentleman on the phone with her (I have witnesses) Sue, on the other hand, launched immediately into 'snarky'. Fortunately, I'm fluent. After a few snide comments on her part as to why she didn't want to be executor, followed by a hasty hanging up on her part, I was confident that things would go well after all. Sue later sent me an email announcing that she would step down as executor and named me as her replacement. Huzzah.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Nita
So plans were made and the time came for the memorial. First a visitation for those who had not made the time to see Mom while she was alive. Not a huge affair, but one filled with a few surprises, both pleasant and amusing.
My brother's eldest son Dan and his wife Nita showed up at the viewing of the body. I was pleased that they were able to overcome their hatred of me to actually come see Mom one last time. I especially was concerned about Dan, as I had been told that he had been taking Mom's death particularly hard. Not a word was said, but a few glances exchanged between Dan and I. Nita averted her eyes at all times. Once they emerged from the chapel after seeing Mom, they stood like deers caught in the headlights in the hall. My wife greeted them. As she did, Nita moved directly behind Dan and started crouching down behind him, as if to stay hidden from view. Dan, immediately defensive in both demeanor and speech, kept his responses short and clipped. "yep" "nope". Several people would mention later that they were astonished at the level of disrespect and rudeness on display from the two of them. My wife and I just chalked it up to standard behavior from that particular branch of the family. There are many reasons that we disowned them, and Dan & Nita were kind enough to show once more in public why such is the case.
The pleasant surprise of the evening came in the form of two of their daughters, Danielle and Becky. Both were warm and personable with everyone in attendance. It was wonderful to see them like this again. I loved Danielle like one of my own at one time, and would have built that same feeling for Becky if circumstances had been different. For now, I'm hopeful to see that maybe Nita's influence on them won't be as strong as it is on their older sister.
I Remember Momma
The memorial the next morning went very well. Lots of friends and family showed up to remember Mom one last time. My wife gave the service and spoke of Mom, her love for life and spoke of her many adventures. Notably missing from the family that showed were Sue, probably still licking her wounds and refusing to be anywhere I was in attendance... and my brother's wife Judy. I assume they both boycotted the memorial for the same reasons. I also think it's a good thing to have some people afraid of you. Judy did send her son Chad. He caught my gaze as I entered the chapel. I smiled slightly and nodded my head, as did he. That was the totality of our interaction for the day. And again, that was fine with me. No problems, no drama, and The Consortium on their best behavior. The only wrinkle I really noticed were the crying and fussing from Danielle's kids during the service. Not that I really minded it, kids will be kids. And on a guilty pleasure note, I was getting a kick out of watching/listening to Danielle's husband Jimbo trying desperately to quiet them down. On a side note; I was also pleased to see Jimbo attend. He had previously told Danielle that he would refuse to go to Mom's service; another of the crew who refuse to be in the same area as I am. Good to see that he could be a supportive husband for a change and be there for his wife when she needed him.
Death in the Family 2.0
Now to throw something out of left field to the mix. My Uncle Bob passes away a week after Mom. This is Sue's step dad, and having to deal with all the family drama is probably about to push Sue to the breaking point. (The drama on that side of the family sometimes makes The Consortium look like a Walton Family Picnic...) If I hadn't lost all respect for Sue over the group home mess, I might even feel a modicum of sympathy for her. But I don't. Most of the upheaval is as a result of Sue's own Machiavellian ways. Karma's a Bitch, but she's MY bitch.
I'm pretty sure that both Sue and Judy have assumed I've headed back to Tulsa by the point the funeral for Bob rolled around. Especially judging by the expressions on their faces when I show up to attend with my cousin Bobbie and her family. There are few thing as priceless as that jaw hitting moment when it arrives, but it was truly another gem of a moment for me. And as soon as the services ended, Judy and Chad beat feet outta there like their tails were on fire. I really should find some way to bottle whatever it is I have that has such an effect on people...
And so a major chapter on the Tales of the Consortium came to a close. I wish I could say that this would be the final chapter, but I think we all know better than that, considering everyone involved. For now, I'm happy to be back in the land of OZ, watching from a distance. Always watching. ;)
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Revenge is a Dish...
And now it can be told. The story of my nephew Chad and his death
threats to me and mine.
Some time ago, as a result of the many shenanigans surrounding my
brothers death, my nephew discovered my blog site. Whether he was
directed there by Nita or found them on his own has never been decided.
Point is, he was none to happy with my musings about his father and
the many crimes of Michael.
As a result, in his many attempts to deal with his many emotions
concerning the events of most of 2010, he decided to write a song,
inspired by me and my blogs to vent his frustration. Chad fancies
himself a rap artist. Why the world would want to listen to a thirty
something white ginger with mediocre talent attempt to Rap is beyond me,
but there you have it.
God forbid he contact me directly and talk about it. Seriously, am I
that scary? Snarky, certainly... but scary?
Now I'm all for freedom of the arts, free expression and all that, but
even I have to draw the line somewhere. And threatening to kill me, in
several different manners, with full disclosure divulging my name and
so forth. Well, that was the line. And you still can't yell 'FIRE' in
a theater without repercussions...
I was tempted to post the lyrics from the entire song here in this blog
for you, but frankly, unless you're intimately involved with all this
family nonsense, you'd find it pretty boring indeed. It tends to
ramble, and some of the rhyming is painful to read when stretched so
thin.
If you're really dying to read it, shoot me an email and I'll send it
to you.
So once Chad posted the song 'Revenge', discussion broke out amongst
what I like to playfully refer to as "The Consortium". This ragtag
group is pretty much dominated by Michael's son Dan and his wife Nita,
their children and some of Dan and Nita's siblings. There are
satellite members like Judy and Sue, but I digress.
Much glee and anticipation of my reaction was expressed. I think they
were all waiting for me to explode or take them all to task in written
form in my blogs. Well, I have to admit that I was sorely tempted, but
I hate to be predictable. There's no fun in that whatsoever.
So I kept silent. Must have driven them crazy.
Eventually, I knew I was going to have to approach Chad. This was a
serious situation after all. I'm sure some of the family just wrote
off what he did as emotions running high and his inability to deal with
his father's recent death. Bottom line was that he posted death
threats on the Internet. Don't think that's a serious situation?
Google it.
Check out how things turned out for people that did the same thing.
So I wrote to Chad and flat out asked him what was going through his
mind to pull a stunt like this. To my surprise, he answered promptly.
Basically he admitted that he 'probably' wasn't going to kill me since
this would cause unnecessary drama in the family that was sorely not
needed.
You think?
Chad talked a lot about his feelings of inadequacy, fear of falling
short of his father's expectations. Daddy issues. I could relate. The
guy really could do with a few session of grief counseling. Some anger
management wouldn't be a bad idea either.
And so talks with Chad were opened. I was optimistic, maybe I could actually get the guy to stop listening to those idiots in The Consortium and start thinking for himself again. Chad ever assured me that he would be glad to talk to me in messages, as long as Mommy Dearest never found out. Judy's mad on for me apparently verges on manic. Even Sue warned me that Judy is the kind of person that won't stop until she destroys you if you cross her. At least now I knew where Chad gets it from.
Ironically enough, Chad's 'Revenge' is quite the hit with most of his
friends and The Consortium. Not enough to sell tickets to headline a show, mind
you. But enough for the crew to snigger amongst themselves for a while.
Sometimes dealing with these people is like still being in high school.
Flash forward a few months, and Chad becomes increasingly
incommunicado. So much for his assurances that he would talk to me
anytime. His postings on facebook start to become increasingly
concerning to some of the family as well. We're talking cuckoo for
cocoa puffs concerning.
Now I'm a fan of conspiracy theories now and then. They can be a fun
diversion. But Chad is starting to drink some serious Kool-Aid. I call
this to his attention, which is not too well received. Nobody likes it
when someone points out that the sewer stinks.
So how and why did Chad take down the 'Revenge' song, complete with its
death threats? With a whimper, not with a roar.
As with most things with me, it started with a short email to him. I
ventured a question his direction, wondering what his employer would
think of him posting death threats on the Internet. Considering that
he works for a giant in the Internet industry, my best guess was Not
Very Well.
And so I sent an inquiry off the the HR department of his
employer. Imagine my surprise when I got a personal reply from the
President of the company, complete with phone numbers to contact him
back personally. Never underestimate the power of a well placed email.
In turn, I sent another message to Chad asking what he thought I should
do next. I let him know it was time to remove 'Revenge', post a
statement as to why it was posted in the first place and why it was
being taken down. And to state publicly that he would never harm myself
nor any member of my immediate family in the future.
Next thing I noticed, was that "Revenge" had indeed vanished from the
Internet, off his facebook and myspace and Reverbnation pages. No
trace of it to be found, other than the many downloaded versions
sitting in the phones and computers of The Consortium. And my own
downloaded copies for future use. Just in case.
Step one complete. And I let him know this. I waited for the rest of
the statements to appear, but I knew the little weasel wasn't going to
go that far in his public withdrawal. Not in his nature. And I already
knew from my contacts that certain members of The Consortium were all
het up over what I had done so far. Interesting the twists they were
putting on what actually happened. Nita is never happier than when she's
spitting nails over something I've done and embellished it.
And so that's where we're at now. Chad made the death threats. Chad
removed the death threats, once he realized he was about to lose his
job and everything that was important to him.
Tell me once again how "Words are words I wish not to speak for my
actions will repeat night when I creep. You think you're slick but you
failed to see my father's son is smarter than thee."
I warned you his lyrics were painful.
threats to me and mine.
Some time ago, as a result of the many shenanigans surrounding my
brothers death, my nephew discovered my blog site. Whether he was
directed there by Nita or found them on his own has never been decided.
Point is, he was none to happy with my musings about his father and
the many crimes of Michael.
As a result, in his many attempts to deal with his many emotions
concerning the events of most of 2010, he decided to write a song,
inspired by me and my blogs to vent his frustration. Chad fancies
himself a rap artist. Why the world would want to listen to a thirty
something white ginger with mediocre talent attempt to Rap is beyond me,
but there you have it.
God forbid he contact me directly and talk about it. Seriously, am I
that scary? Snarky, certainly... but scary?
Now I'm all for freedom of the arts, free expression and all that, but
even I have to draw the line somewhere. And threatening to kill me, in
several different manners, with full disclosure divulging my name and
so forth. Well, that was the line. And you still can't yell 'FIRE' in
a theater without repercussions...
I was tempted to post the lyrics from the entire song here in this blog
for you, but frankly, unless you're intimately involved with all this
family nonsense, you'd find it pretty boring indeed. It tends to
ramble, and some of the rhyming is painful to read when stretched so
thin.
If you're really dying to read it, shoot me an email and I'll send it
to you.
So once Chad posted the song 'Revenge', discussion broke out amongst
what I like to playfully refer to as "The Consortium". This ragtag
group is pretty much dominated by Michael's son Dan and his wife Nita,
their children and some of Dan and Nita's siblings. There are
satellite members like Judy and Sue, but I digress.
Much glee and anticipation of my reaction was expressed. I think they
were all waiting for me to explode or take them all to task in written
form in my blogs. Well, I have to admit that I was sorely tempted, but
I hate to be predictable. There's no fun in that whatsoever.
So I kept silent. Must have driven them crazy.
Eventually, I knew I was going to have to approach Chad. This was a
serious situation after all. I'm sure some of the family just wrote
off what he did as emotions running high and his inability to deal with
his father's recent death. Bottom line was that he posted death
threats on the Internet. Don't think that's a serious situation?
Google it.
Check out how things turned out for people that did the same thing.
So I wrote to Chad and flat out asked him what was going through his
mind to pull a stunt like this. To my surprise, he answered promptly.
Basically he admitted that he 'probably' wasn't going to kill me since
this would cause unnecessary drama in the family that was sorely not
needed.
You think?
Chad talked a lot about his feelings of inadequacy, fear of falling
short of his father's expectations. Daddy issues. I could relate. The
guy really could do with a few session of grief counseling. Some anger
management wouldn't be a bad idea either.
And so talks with Chad were opened. I was optimistic, maybe I could actually get the guy to stop listening to those idiots in The Consortium and start thinking for himself again. Chad ever assured me that he would be glad to talk to me in messages, as long as Mommy Dearest never found out. Judy's mad on for me apparently verges on manic. Even Sue warned me that Judy is the kind of person that won't stop until she destroys you if you cross her. At least now I knew where Chad gets it from.
Ironically enough, Chad's 'Revenge' is quite the hit with most of his
friends and The Consortium. Not enough to sell tickets to headline a show, mind
you. But enough for the crew to snigger amongst themselves for a while.
Sometimes dealing with these people is like still being in high school.
Flash forward a few months, and Chad becomes increasingly
incommunicado. So much for his assurances that he would talk to me
anytime. His postings on facebook start to become increasingly
concerning to some of the family as well. We're talking cuckoo for
cocoa puffs concerning.
Now I'm a fan of conspiracy theories now and then. They can be a fun
diversion. But Chad is starting to drink some serious Kool-Aid. I call
this to his attention, which is not too well received. Nobody likes it
when someone points out that the sewer stinks.
So how and why did Chad take down the 'Revenge' song, complete with its
death threats? With a whimper, not with a roar.
As with most things with me, it started with a short email to him. I
ventured a question his direction, wondering what his employer would
think of him posting death threats on the Internet. Considering that
he works for a giant in the Internet industry, my best guess was Not
Very Well.
And so I sent an inquiry off the the HR department of his
employer. Imagine my surprise when I got a personal reply from the
President of the company, complete with phone numbers to contact him
back personally. Never underestimate the power of a well placed email.
In turn, I sent another message to Chad asking what he thought I should
do next. I let him know it was time to remove 'Revenge', post a
statement as to why it was posted in the first place and why it was
being taken down. And to state publicly that he would never harm myself
nor any member of my immediate family in the future.
Next thing I noticed, was that "Revenge" had indeed vanished from the
Internet, off his facebook and myspace and Reverbnation pages. No
trace of it to be found, other than the many downloaded versions
sitting in the phones and computers of The Consortium. And my own
downloaded copies for future use. Just in case.
Step one complete. And I let him know this. I waited for the rest of
the statements to appear, but I knew the little weasel wasn't going to
go that far in his public withdrawal. Not in his nature. And I already
knew from my contacts that certain members of The Consortium were all
het up over what I had done so far. Interesting the twists they were
putting on what actually happened. Nita is never happier than when she's
spitting nails over something I've done and embellished it.
And so that's where we're at now. Chad made the death threats. Chad
removed the death threats, once he realized he was about to lose his
job and everything that was important to him.
Tell me once again how "Words are words I wish not to speak for my
actions will repeat night when I creep. You think you're slick but you
failed to see my father's son is smarter than thee."
I warned you his lyrics were painful.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Judy and Me
Notes and blogs rarely just spring into existence for me. I usually wait for a spark of inspiration. Sometimes it's an event or sometimes it's something simple like a phone call. This is one of those times.
My Mom is not in good health right now. Bouncing back and forth between hospitals and 'care facilities'. (call them what you want, they're Rest Homes to me...) On a recent visit, Mom's hospital room phone rang. I answered since Mom was not in a state of mind to talk on said phone. It was Judy on the other end of the line.
Judy is my sister-in-law, and for those that know anything about me or our family, our relationship is best described as 'strained'. It was a very nice, pleasant phone call. I think it surprised both of us. :)
Here's the focus of this particular note. Judy and her place in my life. I think it will surprise a few of you, including some of my trolls. (Hello ladies)
Judy is a formidable woman. I flipped over her when Michael brought her home and introduced her to the family. I often told him that if I ever met a woman like her, I'd marry her. And I did. (sidenote: this comments usually grates on my wife's nerves to no end, for she and Judy pretty much despise one another and see no resemblance to each other whatsoever...) I see that both women are people of passion, that they love completely and fiercely, that they are loyal to their loved ones to a fault, that they are highly intelligent and emotional women. Not to be trifled with unless you're willing to deal with the consequences. They're both redheads for a reason.
In my own way, I hold Judy in pretty high regard. She was Michael's soul mate and best companion. I often wished that he had met and married her first. He was never so happy as when he was married to Judy. And I will always be grateful to her for bringing so much happiness to his life. I wish they could have had more time together.
Judy is a formidable foe as well. Frankly, she's one of the handful of people on the planet that I would count worthy of being on opposing sides of an issue and capable of providing me a decent challenge. I respect that too.
That said, let's look at where Judy and I are today. Lots of things happened when Michael died. I won't rehash them here, it's well documented elsewhere. Judy and I find ourselves in the position of working together right now for Mom's sake. I suspect we have entered into Mom's end run. There are a lot of things that are about to happen to bring even bigger changes to the family structure. Mom's death won't be the last for a while... There will be a lot more emotional upheaval for all of us to deal with.
Judy and I have a common interest here. Mom's welfare in this difficult time. Judy and I will never be friends, and I think we both acknowledge this fact, but we can work together in Mom's best interests. And we can be nice and pleasant to each other on the occasions when we are thrown together. After Mom's passing, we can fully go our separate ways, and that's just fine.
I don't hate Judy. I never did. I felt for her loss when Michael died. I hope that she is coping with the major changes in her life since his passing. I hope that those who love her are paying attention and giving her the love and support she needs during this time in her life.
And I still think she's a formidable woman.
My Mom is not in good health right now. Bouncing back and forth between hospitals and 'care facilities'. (call them what you want, they're Rest Homes to me...) On a recent visit, Mom's hospital room phone rang. I answered since Mom was not in a state of mind to talk on said phone. It was Judy on the other end of the line.
Judy is my sister-in-law, and for those that know anything about me or our family, our relationship is best described as 'strained'. It was a very nice, pleasant phone call. I think it surprised both of us. :)
Here's the focus of this particular note. Judy and her place in my life. I think it will surprise a few of you, including some of my trolls. (Hello ladies)
Judy is a formidable woman. I flipped over her when Michael brought her home and introduced her to the family. I often told him that if I ever met a woman like her, I'd marry her. And I did. (sidenote: this comments usually grates on my wife's nerves to no end, for she and Judy pretty much despise one another and see no resemblance to each other whatsoever...) I see that both women are people of passion, that they love completely and fiercely, that they are loyal to their loved ones to a fault, that they are highly intelligent and emotional women. Not to be trifled with unless you're willing to deal with the consequences. They're both redheads for a reason.
In my own way, I hold Judy in pretty high regard. She was Michael's soul mate and best companion. I often wished that he had met and married her first. He was never so happy as when he was married to Judy. And I will always be grateful to her for bringing so much happiness to his life. I wish they could have had more time together.
Judy is a formidable foe as well. Frankly, she's one of the handful of people on the planet that I would count worthy of being on opposing sides of an issue and capable of providing me a decent challenge. I respect that too.
That said, let's look at where Judy and I are today. Lots of things happened when Michael died. I won't rehash them here, it's well documented elsewhere. Judy and I find ourselves in the position of working together right now for Mom's sake. I suspect we have entered into Mom's end run. There are a lot of things that are about to happen to bring even bigger changes to the family structure. Mom's death won't be the last for a while... There will be a lot more emotional upheaval for all of us to deal with.
Judy and I have a common interest here. Mom's welfare in this difficult time. Judy and I will never be friends, and I think we both acknowledge this fact, but we can work together in Mom's best interests. And we can be nice and pleasant to each other on the occasions when we are thrown together. After Mom's passing, we can fully go our separate ways, and that's just fine.
I don't hate Judy. I never did. I felt for her loss when Michael died. I hope that she is coping with the major changes in her life since his passing. I hope that those who love her are paying attention and giving her the love and support she needs during this time in her life.
And I still think she's a formidable woman.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Dante's Infernal
My iambic pentameter challenged nephew accuses me of several things in his song "Revenge'. So for today's topic I'll answer Why I Blog.
No, it's not that I'm somehow braver sitting here in Tulsa Oklahoma and most of the people I talk about are enscounced in Arizona. Most of them refuse to talk to me through most conventional means: phone calls, letters, emails, you name it. Even my sister in law has her messages on facebook disabled to avoid contact with me. Who knew I was so scary? Or as one of my nieces recently opined, 'full of RAGE'. Geez, sometimes I wonder if anyone in my family even knows me, outside of my wife and kids. Simply put, I blog to put my thoughts down, to process the details of my life and because it's fun.
So on to the other topic of today's blog.
The Nature of Friendship.
I've been thinking a lot about the nature of friendship lately. Being so active on facebook has brought back a large number of people back into my life. Old friendships; some I didn't even realize I had. On the other hand, it has helped to show me how weak some of my friendships are and always have been.
My eldest son has learned a few lessons about his friendships recently, through the ocean cruise that we took him and some of his friends on for the celebration of his 21st birthday. He invited a few 'friends' who he wanted to take part in his celebration.
You'd think that anyone would be thrilled to take part in such a nice invitation. Or at the very least, grateful to be included in a family function like this.
If I had invited someone over to my house for a birthday party, and they immediately ran off to one of the bedrooms in my house and holed themselves away for the duration of said party, I'd be a little miffed. Wouldn't you?
This is basically what happened to Danny. His 'friends' spent most of their time on the cruise ship, cloistered in thier cabin, keeping to themselves and treating Danny like a red headed step child.
Several thoughts spring to mind in this situation...
If you really don't care for Danny and find him irritating, why did you accept to go on the cruise in the first place? I think the answer is pretty obvious. They came along thinking that they weren't going to pay him back for the cruise tickets like they had agreed to conditionally in advance, so what the hell? Yes, I warned Danny not to pay for their tickets in advance, because I figured after meeting them the first time, that they would take advantage of his good nature. And they did.
If you travel the world, learn to be a little respectful for cultures not your own. It was painfully obvious that they were uncomfortable being off U.S. soil, but acting like 'spoiled Americans' was downright embarassing. You know the stereotype... they embodied it.
And Brian (Dante), Honey, there was only room for ONE Drama Queen on the cruise, and this bitch wears the high heels. :)
In some regards, I'm glad that these users showed their true colors to Danny. He is better off without 'friends' like these.
Doesn't make it hurt any less for him, and that makes me sad and angry at the same time. Danny is one of the sweetest most gentle giants on the planet. People that don't appreciate him don't deserve to be a part of his life. And people who mistreat him like this run the chance of ruining the man he is. I can't abide that.
As part of the fall out of my brother's death, I ended up losing someone that I considered a friend for many years myself. In the course of discussion between he and I during the destruction of our friendship, a few things came to light. In the past, some friends and I have had a difference of opinion as to the definition of friendship. One friend called it 'mutual exploitation'. I thought that was a bit harsh, but I understood what he was trying to say.
In the case of the recently lost friendship, he mentioned how much he always respected me. That surprised me, as I had felt many aspects of our friendship over the years, but respect was never one of them. We talked every now and then, we shared common interests, but there were several episodes over the years that showed me that although we were friends, there was no respect on his part present. Friendship for me means that I like your company. I enjoy being around you and we have a good time together. I enjoy sharing thoughts and ideas with you.
Respectful Friendship does not include insulting my manhood because my wife is having a little girl instead of a boy, or degrading my wife because she's active in little theater instead of being a 'real actor' like your mom. You get the idea...
It appears to me that I can do without certain friends in my life as well. And frankly, since he cut me out of his life, I haven't noticed much of a difference.
No, it's not that I'm somehow braver sitting here in Tulsa Oklahoma and most of the people I talk about are enscounced in Arizona. Most of them refuse to talk to me through most conventional means: phone calls, letters, emails, you name it. Even my sister in law has her messages on facebook disabled to avoid contact with me. Who knew I was so scary? Or as one of my nieces recently opined, 'full of RAGE'. Geez, sometimes I wonder if anyone in my family even knows me, outside of my wife and kids. Simply put, I blog to put my thoughts down, to process the details of my life and because it's fun.
So on to the other topic of today's blog.
The Nature of Friendship.
I've been thinking a lot about the nature of friendship lately. Being so active on facebook has brought back a large number of people back into my life. Old friendships; some I didn't even realize I had. On the other hand, it has helped to show me how weak some of my friendships are and always have been.
My eldest son has learned a few lessons about his friendships recently, through the ocean cruise that we took him and some of his friends on for the celebration of his 21st birthday. He invited a few 'friends' who he wanted to take part in his celebration.
You'd think that anyone would be thrilled to take part in such a nice invitation. Or at the very least, grateful to be included in a family function like this.
If I had invited someone over to my house for a birthday party, and they immediately ran off to one of the bedrooms in my house and holed themselves away for the duration of said party, I'd be a little miffed. Wouldn't you?
This is basically what happened to Danny. His 'friends' spent most of their time on the cruise ship, cloistered in thier cabin, keeping to themselves and treating Danny like a red headed step child.
Several thoughts spring to mind in this situation...
If you really don't care for Danny and find him irritating, why did you accept to go on the cruise in the first place? I think the answer is pretty obvious. They came along thinking that they weren't going to pay him back for the cruise tickets like they had agreed to conditionally in advance, so what the hell? Yes, I warned Danny not to pay for their tickets in advance, because I figured after meeting them the first time, that they would take advantage of his good nature. And they did.
If you travel the world, learn to be a little respectful for cultures not your own. It was painfully obvious that they were uncomfortable being off U.S. soil, but acting like 'spoiled Americans' was downright embarassing. You know the stereotype... they embodied it.
And Brian (Dante), Honey, there was only room for ONE Drama Queen on the cruise, and this bitch wears the high heels. :)
In some regards, I'm glad that these users showed their true colors to Danny. He is better off without 'friends' like these.
Doesn't make it hurt any less for him, and that makes me sad and angry at the same time. Danny is one of the sweetest most gentle giants on the planet. People that don't appreciate him don't deserve to be a part of his life. And people who mistreat him like this run the chance of ruining the man he is. I can't abide that.
As part of the fall out of my brother's death, I ended up losing someone that I considered a friend for many years myself. In the course of discussion between he and I during the destruction of our friendship, a few things came to light. In the past, some friends and I have had a difference of opinion as to the definition of friendship. One friend called it 'mutual exploitation'. I thought that was a bit harsh, but I understood what he was trying to say.
In the case of the recently lost friendship, he mentioned how much he always respected me. That surprised me, as I had felt many aspects of our friendship over the years, but respect was never one of them. We talked every now and then, we shared common interests, but there were several episodes over the years that showed me that although we were friends, there was no respect on his part present. Friendship for me means that I like your company. I enjoy being around you and we have a good time together. I enjoy sharing thoughts and ideas with you.
Respectful Friendship does not include insulting my manhood because my wife is having a little girl instead of a boy, or degrading my wife because she's active in little theater instead of being a 'real actor' like your mom. You get the idea...
It appears to me that I can do without certain friends in my life as well. And frankly, since he cut me out of his life, I haven't noticed much of a difference.
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010 Dead and Buried
A few observations about the passing of 2010:
Crusing on an Oceanliner for a week is still one of the coolest things on the planet to do.
Toy Trains sets for your birthday and Christmas never gets old.
Bacon crumbled and mixed into your chocolate chip cookie dough is not as strange as it sounds and is rather tasty.
A death in the family is the quickest way to figure out who your friends are and always were.
Amaretto can still cure all ills.
facebook is still a total waste of time, but keeps me amused and out of trouble (for the most part)
Being the inspiration for a rap song is sorta cool in a creepy way, even if it includes several death threats to your person and loved ones... and what the hey, I've still got seven years to press charges. :)
Crusing on an Oceanliner for a week is still one of the coolest things on the planet to do.
Toy Trains sets for your birthday and Christmas never gets old.
Bacon crumbled and mixed into your chocolate chip cookie dough is not as strange as it sounds and is rather tasty.
A death in the family is the quickest way to figure out who your friends are and always were.
Amaretto can still cure all ills.
facebook is still a total waste of time, but keeps me amused and out of trouble (for the most part)
Being the inspiration for a rap song is sorta cool in a creepy way, even if it includes several death threats to your person and loved ones... and what the hey, I've still got seven years to press charges. :)
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